The Contemplative Angler

I don't have close friends - not, at least, when I am fly fishing. There was one fellow I was attached to for quite some time, but we were finally able to extract the hook. He has since kept his distance...

For those who are unfamiliar with the Pisscalator concept, the purpose of the invention is to allow a gentleman angler to continue fishing when the water in which he was standing is deep, and the fluid in his bladder is registering "FULL". No longer will it be necessary for the devoted fisherman to wade back to shore, find a convenient (and discrete) tree, and partially disrobe in order to respond to Nature's urgent call -- the Pisscalator allows the fisherman to blithely catch and enjoy “release” simultaneously.

My first three prototypes of the Pisscalator presented design issues that would have made them less than marketable, though not always lethal. However, the Pisscalator “Mark IV” incorporates a radically new design. While the previous prototypes used external force to pump or suction the fluid away...

Some people are at their best when they're not breathing. Now, I don't wish any harm to them - just a cessation of the respiratory process. Especially when they sleep. Most especially when they sleep in a cabin ... in the woods ... with me ... during a bitter northern winter...

While wandering the aisles of my local fly shop in search of a half-price sale on Blue Chatterer - or Condor Quills three-for-a-dollar - I encountered a rack of chest-high fishing waders ornamented with a waterproof zipper in the front. Imagine, I thought, being able to stand up to your waist in fast water, thirty feet (but twenty minutes of wading) from shore, and you can relieve yourself without problems! But how did they design it so that you can unzip without water pouring in?

As I pondered that question, a thought surfaced in my mind, wallowed for a moment (disoriented in the unfamiliar environment) and then fled. But this momentary flash of insight was sufficient to provide a simple solution to that ageless angling dilemma – male incontinence midstream.

Eric Reaves is an avid fly fisherman - that should be recommendation enough - yet he also has twenty years of cartooning experience, having spent the last thirteen years drawing the comic strip, “GARFIELD”, for Jim Davis. In the industry Eric is termed a “ghost” – an essential part of a creative team of inkers and writers that produce the most widely syndicated comic strip in history. As well, Eric recently received the 2007 Hoosier State Press Association's- “Editorial Cartoonist of the Year” for his superb editorial cartoons.

A few months ago, Eric and I decided to try an amalgam, written and graphic, of our humor work. Eric took some of my humor pieces and enhanced them, - nay, completed them - with his delightful interpretations of my words.

I hope you fully enjoy the works that follow. For more of Eric's illustrations see Eric Reave's Art

Feathers are the mainstay of the fly tier. The hackles of a dry fly, the wings and tails of most wet, dry, and streamer flies -- all of these use the feathers of birds gathered from dozens of countries and climes. The colors are sometimes subtle, sometimes dazzling. But what I do not see when I run my hands over a Silver Pheasant skin, is the ultraviolet light reflected from the surface - and those reflected wavelengths may be crucial to the effectiveness of the fly I tie.

Just as trout are now known to have vision in the Ultraviolet as well as the visible human spectrum, birds are now being examined for both their UV reflecting plumage and their UV vision. For example, an extensive study of forest songbirds discovered that even when the male and female were identical in color in the visible spectrum, their plumage was markedly different when examined for UV reflectance. Unfortunately, the scientific study of UV reflective plumage and its effect on the mating pattern of birds has just begun - we do not yet have access to the UV characteristics of most of the bird species used in fly tying.

Humans see their world through trichromatic vision - visual input is represented by the colors Red, Green, and Blue, and their millions of combinations. For centuries scientists thought that most of the animal world shared a similar ocular capability - either within man's visible color spectrum or in Black and White. With H. Mueller's proof in 1854 that photoreception occurs in the rods and cones of the eye, steps toward a scientific understanding of human and animal vision began. However, it was not until 1959 that physiological research confirmed that the human retina contains three types of cones, each most responsive to a different wavelength of light, with some overlapping response curves.[1] More recently, it was discovered that mature rainbow trout have a fourth cone - for Ultraviolet - providing a vision capability that had been previously detected in smolts but presumed lost as the fish matured.[2]

Ultraviolet light, the non-visible wavelengths below 400 nm, was discovered by Ritter in 1801, but little recognition was given to it in terms of its effect on animal behavior until 1980 (though some research was done on minnows as early as 1924).

If you are reading this, it is likely that you are not a trout. Oh, you may share 95% of your DNA with a distant relation, Salmo trutta, who is finning quietly in a sun-dappled pool in the Carpathians... but you can never share the world he sees.

For thousands of years man has tied flies to fool trout, and for much of that period we have attempted to "match the hatch" with an artificial that had just the right shade of pink or olive in the body, the proper dun in the hackle. We hold the natural mayfly in the sunlight alongside our imitation and give a primal grunt of satisfaction - the colors match perfectly.

However, there is more to see. For millions of years, the lowly trout, through his ultraviolet sensitive vision, has been observing brilliant markings on the natural insects that form his diet - markings invisible to the human eye...

I am faster than a six-year old at burrowing through wrapping and foam peanuts to get at a present. Imagine then my childlike delight when I drew from the depths of an oversize box one of my favorite examples of photographic art, tastefully framed and matted in a shadowbox treatment by Nathan Kennedy of TVAngler.com.

Click on thumbnail to display larger image

At last, this talented Southern gentleman has decided to make his photographic work available to the public as part of a fly-tier's shadowbox.

Consider these few lines a very modest expression of gratitude that folks like Nathan are providing us with new ways to reflect upon our sport during these long winter days.

Sincerely,

Reed

Is it possible that a fly as well-known, much-loved, and universally effective as the "Royal Wulff" could have a questionable past? Yes, not only possible, but probable. Many anglers believe that this paragon of dries was born, not from the imagination of Lee Wulff, as he claimed in later life, but through the work of others...but decide for yourself.

I never wish to cause needless suffering to others - this is not an apology to my grade school teachers or my childhood compadre Wayne (I didn't get him stuck, and the pipe looked big enough - certainly the two fire-truck response was excessive) - but as I wander about this planet I will cause some harm to plants, animals, and, regrettably, even Man.

Can I defend my actions which result in the death of living creatures? Certainly, as I always endeavor to make any necessary mortality as swift and pain-free as possible. If I catch a fish and it is edible and legal to harvest, that fish will probably die quickly and be eaten with rejoicing (and strips of bacon, perhaps some lemon or lime...). It is inevitable that creatures must die that others may live - we call this the food chain. I don't gloat that I hold the top position of this chain, because there are many instances in which I would not, e.g., naked on the ice-pack confronting a hungry polar bear, swimming with tiger sharks off Perth, AU, while bleeding profusely... But, more to the point, this body is headed for the bottom of the food-chain someday, so I like to show respect as I go up the chain, and hope it is returned when I go back down.

I have had the great pleasure to enjoy two creations that are near perfect for the purposes for which they were born - two angling journals that, through a combination of art and information, are a continual delight.

The first is a fly fishing magazine from Italy, unlike any bi-monthly fly fishing journal you may have seen, called "Sedge & Mayfly".

To properly appreciate this publication, I will lead you through it using photos of an issue chosen at random. The photo quality doesn't do justice to the original, but I trust it is sufficient to serve as a temptation for the reader to explore further for himself.

The cover of a typical issue [Click on any of the thumbnails to see a larger image.] Note the curious absence of phallic images - large salmonids protruding from the crotches of impeccably coiffed, meticulously dressed fly fishermen.

"And about time, too", I thought. Just two days ago Eve had broken the tip of my favorite 9' 5wt. rod, a masterpiece in split cane, while trying to knock some fruit out of a tree. As if there wasn't plenty of low-hanging fruit; but the fruit salad surprise she made for us that evening had been delicious. Then yesterday she grabbed the other tip for a "curtain rod".

"What is a curtain for?", I asked.

"It keeps people from looking in our house."

"But there is no one to look."

"Go fishing, Adam...", she sighed. That I understood. She's a good woman, I suppose, though I don't have any others for comparison. So, I went fishing.

I usually try to catch the evening rise on the Pison, there is a medium size mayfly that is quite dependable for a two hour hatch. My fishing buddy, Jehovah, enjoys the Garden in the cool of the evening. He will sit on the bank for hours, watching His bobber and talking about all manner of things, as I work the slightly faster water with a #16 Sulphur (dry, of course). I realized yesterday that Jehovah is a bait fisherman - funny I never noticed that before. I must talk to Him about that, I'm not sure I want to be seen in the company of a bait fisherman. Hey, there I go! Who would see us?...

We hear of the joys of casting cane fly rods, and some even wax poetic about the sound of a silk line slipping through the guides, but many fly fishermen believe that cane rods and silk lines can't cast a long distance. Olaf Borge of Viroqua, Wisconsin (a.k.a., "The Silk Line Pimp") felt it was time to enlighten the new breed of fly fishermen to the tremendous casting abilities of the silk line/cane rod pairing.

Taking advantage of the Cane Rodmakers Gathering at the Catskill Fly Fishing Center & Museum, Livingston Manor, NY on September 8th and 9th of this year, Olaf threw out a challenge to the assembled makers and cane enthusiasts to counter the challenge presented by the Cortland Line Co. (see 1st International Rodmakers and Casting Challenge Rules.)

Here were the rules:

Phoenix Silk fly line
Bamboo Rod Maker, casting, Challenge Trophy held
at the Catskill Fly Fishing Center & Museum
September 8th and 9th, 2007

Since Silk fly lines were, and often still are, the natural choice of cane rod fishermen; and since the plastic fly line provided for the “1st International Rodmakers and Casting Challenge” is named “SYLK” it would seem appropriate that a counter challenge should be offered by a true silk fly line manufacturer.

That challenge is to cast a true modern oiled-Silk fly line of the same AFTMA weight designation, further, under the same conditions, than the modern plastic “SYLK” line.

The rods used will be the bamboo rods selected for the “International Challenge Finals”. The casters and casting format will be the same as the “International Challenge Finals”.

Casters will use a Phoenix WF 5 silk fly line, with appropriate leader and fly, provided by Phoenix Silk Fly Lines and Olaf Borge.

The Phoenix silk fly line award will be presented to the caster, rod combination that casts the furthest in this endeavor.

And furthermore a Phoenix Silk Fly Line, of the winners choice, will be awarded to the rodmaker and caster combination who casts further than any rod cast with the “SYLK” fly line in this contest.

And now (drumroll) the results of the competition...

The Contemplative Angler doesn't generally speak on political issues, but protection of our Public Trust rights to navigate and fish the navigable rivers of the United States is always worth our support. Please join the Trout Underground in their action against the County Supervisors of Siskiyou County, California, who are determined to privatize our public waters. Click on the link below, read thoughtfully all sides of the issue and then act according to your conscience. Thank you.

There have been many attempts at creating a compendium of technical terms for fly fisherfolk; some are quite useful, but none capture the nuances of a language - flyfisherspeak - which is inherently context-sensitive. Parsing our fishing vocabulary is more physically critical than declining Latin (unless you are a declining Latin) for an error in translation may be severely injurious to one's health. For example, if you are strolling behind a line of salmon fishermen on the Salmon River in Pulaski and your companion says "Watch out for that slinky...", it is best not to casually look around for an attractive thirty-year-old blonde in a low-cut dress. These are fishermen whose cast can put you in one.

Flyfisherspeak is so subtle that communication between any two fly fisher persons meeting for the first time is an exercise in applied diplomacy [Diplomacy: "The art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.” - Will Rogers]. So, as a diplomatic service to the fly fishing community, I wish to present the first Fly Fishing De-Glossary...

I am indebted to Peter D. of www.neoutdoorvoice.com for leading me to this film footage. I remember watching Ted Williams batting in Fenway Park when I was young - a Red Sox/Yankees game. Ted was no longer a "splinter" but, even at 41 he was a great ballplayer. I seem to recall Whitey Ford was pitching and Yogi Berra was catching for the Yankees - I didn't worry about the Red Sox lineup because I was a Yankees fan.

Here is the film. Get your popcorn and enjoy, it's about 28 minutes.

Ted Williams - the real Ted Williams - Fishing for Atlantic Salmon

FISHING
WITH A WORM

BY

BLISS PERRY

BOSTON AND NEW YORK

HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY

MDCCCCXVI

"The last fish I caught was with a worm."—IZAAK WALTON.

A defective logic is the born fisherman's portion. He is a pattern of inconsistency. He does the things which he ought not to do, and he leaves undone the things which other people think he ought to do. He observes the wind when he should be sowing, and he regards the clouds, with temptation tugging familiarly at his heartstrings, when he might be grasping the useful sickle. It is a wonder that there is so much health in him. A sorrowing political economist remarked to me in early boyhood, as a jolly red-bearded neighbor, followed by an abnormally fat dog, sauntered past us for his nooning: "That man is the best carpenter in town, but he will leave the most important job whenever he wants to go fishing." I stared at the sinful carpenter, who swung along leisurely in the May sunshine, keeping just ahead of his dog. To leave one's job in order to go fishing! How illogical!

Dear All,
Thank you for all the kind words and prayers. I broke out of the hospital late Saturday; now I can actually get some sleep.
The new pacemaker seems to be working. It is truly a peerless pacemaker (that is for your benefit, Tom Chandler) but the wireless connectivity aspect is a tad weak. I don't know what band I am broadcasting on, but so far all I have been able to receive is weather reports in Estonian and old "Roadrunner" soundtracks (I hope that is the source of the "Beep-beep" and explosions). It could be worse, I've heard rumors of a fellow pulling in a 24-hour "all Yanni" station. Poor sot. After eighteen hours the court ordered his pacemaker removed -- quality of life considerations.
So, all is well. Again, thank you. As I am still a bit tired I wish to provide Bliss Perry's superb work on fly fishing - "Fishing with Worms" - for your delectation.