The Joys of Curmudgeonry

Merriam-Webster has a curmudgeon as "a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man." This is wide of the mark. True, a curmudgeon has those stellar attributes, but there is more. The angling curmudgeon is opinionated and stubborn; this is not to say he won't change his opinion; he will change his opinion as soon as he is shown to be wrong - but will assure you that it was invariably always his opinion.

Fly fishing curmudgeonry is not limited by gender; there are some fine lady curmudgeons wading the streams with grace and indignation... and a very sharp wading staff. When a lady fly fishing curmudgeon fastens on a point of view, she is just as adamant in its defense as the crustiest, bewhiskered old sot attacking it. Which brings up an observation of some importance -- old male curmudgeons don't smell as they did when I was young. Then, as they declaimed on a subject of no interest whatsoever, the sanctified halls of the local fly-fishing club became infused with the intoxicating aroma of cheap pipe tobacco, old flannel shirt soaked in citronella, and a breath tainted with cheap whiskey. This created an atmosphere surrounding the speaker which made deep-breathing difficult and dangerous but lent a certain significance to the recitation. To this day, I find it difficult to believe anything about fishing that is presented by someone who doesn't emit suitable noxious vapors.

Curmudgeonry is, I fear, the exclusive province of the aged. There is no clearly defined age of entry into the guild; but certainly anyone younger than fifty is an interloper and will be thoroughly censured by the true Dons. Consider a fine wine; it must be aged properly over many years. Curmudgeons are like a fine wine that was aged improperly; all that is left is vinegar; but, ah, such vinegar.

What may be peculiar to fly-fishing curmudgeons is that no in-depth knowledge of fly-fishing is necessary to assume the rank of curmudgeon; opinions, totally unsupported by experience, are quite sufficient. This has made Internet Fly-Fishing Forums such a boon to the Guild of Fly-fishing Curmudgeons; a crusty deliverance of a strong stance, often deliberately introduced to provoke, is now possible for the literate curmudgeon. Ah, not only does he/she get an instant audience who cannot know that he/she is not bewhiskered and odorous; but the online character of such characters will soon be prized for their eccentricities. The Internet has brought to the fly-fishing world all the wonders of that delightful creature the Curmudgeon -- but, alas, without the aroma.